The confusion between so late and so early

It's so late and so early now.
I miss my pao mian, although it is already presently in my stomach right now.
I hate the fat lady that crossed an x on my quiz paper, what's so wrong about being sleepy on the preparation day before that quiz?
I kept thinking about all the people who came and gone in my life.
The wound on my hand is still there. red. felt more like a bruise. ouch.
I've always need comfort when staying overnight, but no, there is no comfort better than food.
But then I get so fat! >: (

Okay forget about it, this entry is not even like "cultivated".
Just a piece of crap.
LIKE THE FAT LADY.





I missyou :'(

See You Again Someday

We keep meeting new people
We keep saying goodbye
And for the ones whom you'll never forget
You'll see them again someday

I just need to keep reminding myself about this. So that to not get too depressing over the farewells. It's hard to say goodbye. And it's harder to convince yourself that it's not the last day you'll ever see them again. The relationships will be changed. Maybe that's the saddest part. You'll have to witness the changes yourself. And accept it as a fact that it's fate. But technology is so advanced now. We will always meet some where, some time, some fate, back again. Then it'll just be determined how you will mend back the relationship you once had, to see if you'll ever have them back again. And just be hopeful they'll always be willing to come back.

Come back for more.

No "The Ends".

For Now, We'll Just stay Like This, Another Form of Forever

No other moment can be more terrible, when you are able to foresee, the ending of it. When it is at the last moments to its end, when you are doing nothing to stop it, and when there is simply nothing you can do to stop it, that's the real grief. At that time, I don't know whether I regret that it was about to end or I regret that  it has even started. And then now I regret for having any regrets. 

I have started to recognize there are more meanings in life than what I have thought. Changes do occur as you mature. I have once rejected any aspect of it to happen, but now it has simply become a new passion in life. How among people, you have different ranks for them in your heart. Whilst I had always despised to have that topmost reserved seat, and even had been disgusted for myself to sit in any other people's, now all of these are abandoned. Simply and suddenly, the day has come when I suddenly realize that seat becomes the driving force for the start of every day and an addiction to smile. 

You're the one. Are you the one? Or you might not be the only one, but you would still be the first one. You might not last, but you still might last. Anyhow, it is  your choice, of how you want to stay, of how long. And yet, there's still many more you'll bring to me. There's much more you'll need to tolerate of me. There's much more stubbornness you might need to dissolve. There's much more frustration you'll have to endure. Cause that seat I have, is probably the worst compared to other people's seats. Maybe one day you'll let go, of whatever you have been trying to hold on.  Then that day would probably be of the same extent of the moment we had before. Except that I just wish, when that day comes, I won't have anything to regret anymore. 

Now I understand why those people in each other's seats talk about forever. It had once sound impossibly dumb to me. However, now I know, it's just hoping for the best. All I can hope now, is the best too. Moreover, if it has to end, it should end in the best. And when I talk about the best, it does not mean what you've said to me. It means the other way, the reverse. Then maybe forever will  take seed and grow, when we both hope the best for each other. 

The world keeps changing

Somtimes, I believe strongly in a way, but doesn't follow it all the time. 

I don't see anything wrong with that. All people go through changes, so why can't I? Not permanent changes, but just temporarily, I feel the desire to change. Something new, something I haven't tried before, something challenging, something that has a possibility to happen, something that would be opposite towards what I've presented. Because there should  be adventures, some excitement in life. And although I do fear a lot, something that keep pushing me forward is that I want to feel more. No regrets, and that's what I've been reminding myself whenever a decision is to be made. It's not like I would change completely as a person. It's just something new to add to the boredom on me. 

But  after these thoughts, I start to think about others. How they would react if I change, if I do this. These thoughts make me hesitate, they won't really hinder me, but they still occur to me. And sometimes I really do hate it. When they say, "hey you've changed," does this mean they're unhappy that "Sigh, I don't know you anymore." People change all the time, but when I say change, I don't mean change in the way that, you abandon how you were previously, and completely change image. To me, changing is just, adding something new to what you've been. The old you are still there, but then there's something different added on top. Just adding some new sparks to life, why bother? And if that person is a really close friend of yours, you should really accept whatever they've become. Isn't this what a friend should do.  

These thoughts frustrate me. The thought of change, and the pressure it would need to withstand. 

The old me didn't disappear, but it has been renewed. And something that will never change, is that i will always remain as your friend.